![Resident Evil]()
Developed by Capcom
Available for Xbox One, PlayStation 4, PC (reviewed)
Rated M for Mature
For someone who hates soulless remakes, I sure did pick a funny genre to be interested in. In a genre where there are more series that have a reimagining than those that have been peacefully left as they are, Resident Evil stands out as being a particularly egregious offender. The hyperbole I’m known for is unneccessary here, as Resident Evil / biohazard HD REMASTERED (as it is listed letter for letter on the steam page) is the 8th iteration of the game. 9th if you count the unreleased Game Boy Color version, but I don’t think I have to pad my stats to make my point. Each version has included extras ranging from maybe a couple of guns and costumes to a complete overhaul.
I am going to assume that not all of them came out at full retail price, but I think it is safe to assume that they averaged out to maybe 30 bucks a pop. I know for a fact that the GameCube version was $50 when it came out, and stayed expensive for a good long while (along with the re-releases of Resident evil 2 & 3, which fell far short of the RE1 remake in terms of quality). I’ve heard that the original was also $50, so lets assume the rest came out at the discounted price of $30, since they are charging $20 now for a game that came out in 2002. So, if you had bought every version at release, you would have likely spent $270 on the original Resident Evil
Yes, I realize I said that the game came out in 2002. That is because this is a remake of the 2002 GameCube version, and not the 1996 original. The 2002 GC version and the 2006 DS version stand out as adding a significant amount to the game. The GC version completely overhauled the game, adding new areas, progression, weapons, enemies, bosses, and a complete visual do-over in a new engine. The DS version added a series of touch screen and microphone mini-games, which while not revolutionary were unique enough to make the installments distinct.
This is not one of those installments. The additions that the HD REMASTER version brings to the table are 1) a new control scheme that sucks 2) two new costumes, one for Chris and one for Jill 3) jiggle physics for Jill’s tits. Wow, I’m so glad I paid 20 bucks for wanton bouncing breasts in a new coat of paint. As if they hadn’t disrespected the character enough by turning her from a brunette in police gear into a busty blonde in a cleavage leather bondage suit, now they have to fuck up her appearance in respectable installments.
As for the controls, I played it on the PC, so maybe it works better on the console. I doubt it, since the new scheme moves away from tank controls to directional. This requires a bit of explanation. Resident Evil was designed with tank controls. This means that pushing forward made your character move forward, while pushing left and right made your character rotate in that direction. This is the same as with general direction when the camera follows you like in most games. Forward will always be forward when the camera is behind you. However, Resident Evil uses fixed camera points. Every time you walk off camera, it changes to another preset camera view. This means that pushing up does not always mean forward. In one angle, pushing left might lead you to the left, but in the next angle now you are running straight up. This is why the tank controls worked, since the constantly flipping camera is a cause of consternation and confusion when using WASD.
The graphical update isn’t even worth mentioning. It looks slightly better, but not good enough to be passable by even last gen standards. It still looks like a GameCube game. It is easily one of the most gorgeous GameCube games, but it is not a PS4 or XB1 game.
As for the gameplay, it is Resident Evil. Maybe I should elaborate, but this is Dread Central, not the Christan Movie Review. People know horror here, and people know what Resident Evil is. While the 2002 update presented significant changes, it was still fundamentally the 1996 version. If you have played any of the versions between 1996 and now, you have played Resident Evil. I recommend playing the 2002 version if you have not, but I have trouble saying that this is the version you should play.
At this point, it is easy to find the older versions online. I know I shouldn’t talk about piracy as a critic, but realistically any game over 8 years old is available for free online to anyone that knows what Google and an emulator are. Given that reality, remakes now have to offer significant improvements to be worth the expense versus a free option. This game does not. There is no reason to buy this game if you have experienced previous versions.
The one constantly squawked opinion people have when something like this comes out is “what about the people that never played it before?” Okay, sure, some people are children and don’t know what Resident Evil is. Sure, I guess we can just re-release the same shit every year just incase someone just discovered video games yesterday, and for them I’m sure the existence of Resident Evil is underwhelming. Is Resident Evil a game worth playing? It’s a ridiculous question. Sure, at one point it was. Then they came out with more of them, and better versions of it. Sure, the game totally holds up out of nostalgia factor and uniqueness, but then again everything holds up if you forget about all the advancements since then.
Resident Evil is an interesting museum piece. It was a time when clunky gameplay could be made up for with cool puzzles and a unique atmosphere. The story is Grade A USDA certified bullshit, but then again people haven’t cared about the Resident Evil story since the first utterance of “Jill Sandwitch!” The arsenal is limited, mechanics confusing, and puzzles often deliberately frustrating. This was all fine when it came out, but now it sticks out like a sore thumb. Games are supposed to lead you now, giving you clear indicators of where to go and what to do. Playing Resident Evil feels like brute force, pushing the use button on every door until something sticks. There is a logic to it, but one that requires a significant amount of trial and error rather than intuition.
It really hurts to trash talk Resident Evil, since the GC version is one of my favorite games. I beat that game so many times that I can make my way around that mansion better than my own house. If Resident Evil were a boy, I would go gay for it. But the GC version was a bold, huge update. It was a love letter not only to the fans, but to new players as well. It was 8 years after the original, and Capcom realized that they needed to update the game for a new audience. Well, now it is 12 years after the remake, and what we get is just a minor reskin? That isn’t enough to make the version relevant. Consumers should stop accepting subpar remakes out of nostalgia and because of those younguns that never got to see it in the first place. This game should be worth owning, but it just is a sad cash-grab in a market currently sparse because of a console switch.
There should be a different scale for remakes. Rating it on how good it is is stupid, since usually the game being remade is good. You have to judge the re-release based on how much it makes you lose faith in the industry. Shameless add-nothing installments like this are just sad. This game doesn’t get 2 ½ knives out of 5. This is 2 ½ guns in my mouth out of 5.
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Developed by Capcom
